ABC's new Wednesday night comedy lineup must be doing pretty well, because it wasn't more than a few hours into the following day that I'd had three friends ask me if I happen to watch the show "Modern Family." And I don't have very many friends either.
The reason they asked is because it was revealed this week that one of the main characters on "Modern Family" is a former University of Illinois football player. He also happens to be gay. Perhaps timely considering how queer the 2009 UI football season has been.
Consider this: On the road at Purdue tomorrow (a game that was surely circled as a W on the schedule before the season began) it's very possible we'll see redshirt freshman quarterback Jacob Charest take the field at some point. He's never taken a college snap before, and why would he? He came into the season as the #3 quarterback behind a three-plus year starter and a relatively experienced junior who's the #2. Must be bad luck with injuries, right? Nope, both of Charest's elders on the depth chart are completely healthy; for whatever reason, though, they just happen to be highly ineffective this year.
During the Illini's 2007 Rose Bowl season, they set a school record for total offense. Last year, despite finishing just 5-7, they came within a hundred yards of breaking that record again. This year, with a majority of their key skill-position players back, they're averaging just over 14 points per game. Can it simply be blamed on the departure of offensive coordinator Mike Locksley, who left to take the New Mexico head coaching job where he could safely go punch assistant coaches and discriminate against older women (allegedly)? Can all the blame go to an unexpectedly porous offensive line? There's no right answer, only wrong results.
So I don't know what the hell goes on in "Modern Family" but my family has to leave the house when I watch these Illini play. And it does no good to know that popular culture is throwing the UI a bone ... no gay pun intended.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Should I Shave Today If the Illini Win?
In Bruce Weber's first year as head coach at Illinois, the team somewhat struggled through the difficult portion of their non-conference schedule and the start of the Big Ten slate. Those struggles hit their peak the day before my 27th birthday, January 24, 2004. Hungover, I watched the TV from my bed as the Illini absorbed a sobering 20-point loss to Wisconsin, which completed their drop from preseason #12 out of the the Top 25.
Two days later, I began a week's long vacation in Chicago, during which I didn't shave, returning home with essentially a full-grown beard. I decided to stick with the facial hair for a couple of weeks, and a great thing happened at the same time: The Illini clicked. Coach Weber's motion offense began to hit on all cylinders, led by future NBA draftees Deron Williams, Dee Brown and Luther Head.
As a loyal fan, it would have been irresponsible for me to shave at that point, right? The beard remained for two full months as Illinois finished the regular season with ten straight wins, plus two more in the Big Ten tournament before ultimately falling in the conference finals. Despite that single loss, I didn't want to break any of the superstitious momentum heading into the '04 NCAA Tournament, for which the Illini earned a #4 seed. So, still bearded, I watched as the Orange & Blue played to their seed, winning two games to get to the Sweet 16 before falling to the region's top seed, Duke.
That effort was a far cry from the apparent state of Illinois basketball in late January before my facial hair mojo.
Fast forward to the current college football season. All signs point toward this year's Fighting Illini as a complete flop. In losing three of their first four, the Illini have been outscored 102-26 by its FBS opponents, with their lone win coming against FCS challenger Illinois State. Preseason Biletnikoff Award candidate Rejus Benn has just nine catches, Mackey Award nominee Michael Hoomanawanui has caught just six balls, and Unitas and O'Brien Award candidate Juice Williams - a three-year starter - has been benched.
Today's matchup with Michigan State clearly has to be a turning point. And I arrive at this crossroads as a bearded wonder for the first time in nearly six years.
Having taken a few days off of work to move into my new house, I let the facial hair go this week, mainly because I was lazy. So it's merely coincidence that this happens as the Illinois football program appears stuck in the mud ... or is it coincidence?
Just like Weber's early struggles to get his first Illini squad fully in tune with his motion, the 2009 Illini gridders have gotten no traction with new offensive coordinator Mike Schultz. Now has to be the time.
So I'll watch today with all the usual passion and an unusually itchy chin and face. And I'll hope that I'm left with a decision after the game whether or not it would be appropriate for me to consider a full lather on my face for the first time in a week.
Go Illini!
Two days later, I began a week's long vacation in Chicago, during which I didn't shave, returning home with essentially a full-grown beard. I decided to stick with the facial hair for a couple of weeks, and a great thing happened at the same time: The Illini clicked. Coach Weber's motion offense began to hit on all cylinders, led by future NBA draftees Deron Williams, Dee Brown and Luther Head.
As a loyal fan, it would have been irresponsible for me to shave at that point, right? The beard remained for two full months as Illinois finished the regular season with ten straight wins, plus two more in the Big Ten tournament before ultimately falling in the conference finals. Despite that single loss, I didn't want to break any of the superstitious momentum heading into the '04 NCAA Tournament, for which the Illini earned a #4 seed. So, still bearded, I watched as the Orange & Blue played to their seed, winning two games to get to the Sweet 16 before falling to the region's top seed, Duke.
That effort was a far cry from the apparent state of Illinois basketball in late January before my facial hair mojo.
Fast forward to the current college football season. All signs point toward this year's Fighting Illini as a complete flop. In losing three of their first four, the Illini have been outscored 102-26 by its FBS opponents, with their lone win coming against FCS challenger Illinois State. Preseason Biletnikoff Award candidate Rejus Benn has just nine catches, Mackey Award nominee Michael Hoomanawanui has caught just six balls, and Unitas and O'Brien Award candidate Juice Williams - a three-year starter - has been benched.
Today's matchup with Michigan State clearly has to be a turning point. And I arrive at this crossroads as a bearded wonder for the first time in nearly six years.
Having taken a few days off of work to move into my new house, I let the facial hair go this week, mainly because I was lazy. So it's merely coincidence that this happens as the Illinois football program appears stuck in the mud ... or is it coincidence?
Just like Weber's early struggles to get his first Illini squad fully in tune with his motion, the 2009 Illini gridders have gotten no traction with new offensive coordinator Mike Schultz. Now has to be the time.
So I'll watch today with all the usual passion and an unusually itchy chin and face. And I'll hope that I'm left with a decision after the game whether or not it would be appropriate for me to consider a full lather on my face for the first time in a week.
Go Illini!
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