Monday, June 29, 2009

Hoping for a Much Better Week

Who knows what to expect?

After a relatively shitty week of work last week, and after getting humiliated yet again in our own recreational basketball league, the week wrapped up with some awful news on the sports front.

First, one of my favorite football players was signed by one of my least favorite teams. The upside, if any: Mike Brown will be playing in my current hometown. But now I'm stuck with an out-of-date Bears jersey. My navy #30 was a staple on most Sundays. Of course, with Alex Brown still on the Bears -- and since my jersey doesn't have the first initial -- Maybe I could just find a way to change mine to a 96. Not likely though. Time to seek an alternative. (And, no, it's not going to be Cutler.)

I'll hope for the best for Brown, although it will be tough to want him to win while he's playing with the Chiefs. Of course, as I found out a couple days later, it could be a lot worse ...

I've often described the St. Louis Cardinals as my least favorite team in any sport at any level. I don't think I could make it any more clear than that. So this weekend when the Cardinals acquired one of my favorite players - a recent Cubs' castaway - I can safely say that I was nothing short of fucking furious. Mark DeRosa is a Mr. Everything. In his two years with the Cubs, DeRosa played almost every position, and he was not a defensive liability at any of them. Oh, and he hit. That's something the Cubs could use right about now at just about any position.

Playing for the last-place Indians, DeRosa has driven in more runs this year than any Cub. Now I'll have to watch DeRosa in the middle of the most hated lineup in my world.

What's next? Brian Urlacher to the Packers? Deron Williams to the Lakers? Perhaps nothing is off limits now.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Game 4: A New Low

A new low for several reasons, and I find it awfully hard to believe that I'll be able to continue my basketball diary much longer if our struggles continue at the current ridiculous rate.

Game 4: June 24 vs. Fast Break

Things got off to an annoying start even before the tip-off. With severe storms rolling through the Kansas City area, we got a condescending lesson in meteorology from the $8 per hour scorekeeper, who informed us that we'd need to go to the community center's basement in the event of a tornado warning (although she actually initially said we'd have to do so if there was a tornado watch or warning; here in the our part of the country, there seem to be tornado watches at least once a week throughout the spring and summer, so her knowledge of these scenarios was clearly not as firm as she'd like to think).

Anyway, I really think we came out and played well for the first 10+ minutes. It was low scoring and pretty back-and-forth, as we played solid defense and were uncharacteristically patient on offense. Then, with about six minutes left in the half, some dude on the other team had to go and break his leg. We were down 16-11 at the time (I told you it was low scoring).

I didn't keep track of how long it took to resume the action; I'm guessing it was 15-20 minutes before they strapped him into the stretcher and wheeled him off the court. It was then that the pressure clearly was on us. You can't say that too often about a winless team, so I should explain. Our opponent had no subs on their bench, so they had to run with four guys the rest of the way. That's right -- we had a one-man advantage the rest of the way.

Fast Break decided the best way to combat the 4-on-5 situation was to contradict their name. They slowly walked the ball up the floor each possession, and they seemed to follow the Norman Dale basketball philosophy of passing the ball a minimum number of times before being allowed to shoot. Predictably, against our rag-tag collection of players, it worked. By halftime, their lead had been extended. We trailed 26-17.

The second half was painful. The four-man defense consistently lagged, daring us to shoot open jumpers. We obliged and justified the strategy by converting a ridiculously low percentage. I take a large part of the blame, as I felt as uncomfortable with my release as I had since our winter league began in January. I'd guess I was about 2-for-12 from the field. Fast Break's four-man offense, meanwhile, continued to be effectively patient, often getting the ball to a surprisingly skilled, thick big man on the post. The touch on his baseline turnaround made me fucking sick.

And it wasn't just our ineptitude that was setting me off. The officials, one in particular, were abhorrent. This old jerk-off literally wasn't watching the action on several occasions as obvious fouls or violations occurred. The worst was what should have been the easiest travelling call in the book, as one of our opponents slipped and fell on the floor with the ball, slid several feet and got back up without the whistle blowing. After having popped off on this worthless fuck of a referee a couple of times already, it was this occasion that almost got me tossed from the game. His partner actually ordered me to go to the other end of the floor, and it was there that he said he didn't want to hear another word from me. Especially with the game no longer in doubt, I was REALLY close to telling the bastard to shove his head up his fucking ass, but I knew this was the type of asshole who would have gone straight to an ejection rather than simply slapping me with a technical foul. An ejection means an automatic one-game suspension in this league too, so I somehow restrained ... but it still pisses me off just to think of it.

So the clock wound down relatively harmlessly after that, and we exited the court into a stormy summer night with not even our pride remaining. Salt in the wound: I returned home to a house without electricity, which wasn't restored until about 6:00am Thursday.

Final score: 42-26
SJI contribution (my postgame recollection of it): 6 points on two 3s.
Record: 0-4

Next game: July 1 vs. Anger Management (and, no, that's not a class I've been ordered to take)

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Revolutionary Road and the Anti-Pop Culture

One of my favorite musicians, former Soundgarden and Audioslave frontman Chris Cornell, was once quoted as saying, “People just don’t realize how much fun it is to be depressed.”

Now, while I hesitate to go nearly that far, I must say that in popular culture there’s a ridiculous misconception that everything must be upbeat and have a happy ending. Clearly that’s not the case. In an era when ‘Top 40’ music is almost entirely comprised of hip-hop and bubble gum pop, there needs to be a freaking reality check. That’s why I tend to search for good music rather than just listen for it – you’re certainly not going to find much of it on mainstream radio.

Likewise, the best movies you ever see are not likely to be the action blockbusters that cost $100+ million to produce. One of the best movies I’ve seen recently falls into that category. It was Revolutionary Road, starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet. A couple of notes to consider if you are interested in seeing it.

1. You may not want to watch this with your spouse
2. You certainly don’t want to watch it with your spouse if you’ve had some problems at home
3. You may not want to watch it at all unless you’re truly a fan of film and can really appreciate the portrayal of an unhappy story. Not everyone can do that.

All those things considered, this movie is by no means over-the-top in its content. It just won’t make you feel warm and fuzzy at any time. But we don’t always need to be warm and fuzzy. A little dose of the darker side of reality should be appreciated.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Game 3: Running Into a Buzzsaw

The exploits of my C-league recreational basketball team, continued ...

Game 3: June 17 vs. American Century

It's actually a little difficult for me to say that we ran into a buzzsaw in Game 3 of our summer basketball league. I mean it's not like our opponents were physically imposing or overwhelmingly athletic. Then again, when you begin a game on the ass end of a 21-0 run, it's pretty safe to say that you're getting your nuts chopped off.

So there's not much else that needs to be said. We got routinely beaten up and down the floor, we turned the ball over a lot, and we didn't make many shots. I believe the halftime score was 42-17, which isn't really too bad considering we were down by 21 before we'd even gotten on the scoreboard.

The second half was almost an identical whoopin'. No real details are necessary. I got fouled going to the basket in the final few seconds and, thanks to the running clock, I got to shoot my two free throws after the buzzer sounded and with no one else on the line. There may never have been two more meaningless points in the history of basketball.

Final score: 83-33, I swear to fucking god.
SJI contribution (my postgame recollection of it): 11 points -- three 3s and 2-2 from the line. I could have scored 50 and it wouldn't have been enough on this freaking night.
Record: 0-3

Next game: June 24 vs. Fast Break

Monday, June 15, 2009

Is Poop Really Getting in the Way? ... and Other Weekend Issues

I don't know if my weekend should be considered typical or atypical (does it have to be one or the other?), but there were a few items of note. I would be an irresponsible blogger if I didn't share them.

"Your poop is getting in the way of family time." I don't really like going to the park. For a man with a couple of kids, that can be a problem. But my reason for abandoning my family at Porter Park Friday night was legitimate: I HAD to go to the bathroom, and I wasn't using a portable jail cell of a 'toilet' in order to relieve myself. Luckily we'd gone to the park right after running a couple of errands, so we were only about a mile from home and I had the use of a car at my disposal. (Frankly, I might have run that mile if I didn't have the car.) Anyway, I was only gone for about ten minutes. Harmless relief, right? Of course not. During my short round-trip, my 18-month-old son took a header into a rocking dinosaur, bloodying his lip and chipping a tooth. Come on, what are the freaking odds? Could I have prevented it? Probably not, but my turds may always be tied to that little chipped tooth.

Miley Cyrus, you tricky little broad. I had a great idea for Saturday morning. I was ready to get online just before 10:00am to position myself for a couple of tickets to the Miley Cyrus concert later this year at Kansas City's Sprint Center. Of course, I wasn't really positioning myself to experience this show, and I wasn't even doing so for the benefit of my eight-year-old stepson, who regrettably glues himself to Hannah Montana and other Disney Channel fluff as if it were a Martin Scorcese marathon. No, I was ready to buy and resell these golden tickets and pocket the extra cash. Well, my plan was quickly foiled by this "Official Paperless Ticket Tour."

The Miley Cyrus tour is a paperless ticketed tour. You will not receive a physical ticket for entry and are required to bring the credit card used to buy your tickets and a government-issued ID to the venue, where your credit card will be swiped to gain you and your party access to the event. If you do not have your credit card and government-issued ID in hand at the event, you will not gain access to the event.

Translation: If you buy the tickets, you better be the one who shows up at the gate. Fuckin' bastards.

I didn't go to Home Depot for the chocolate. I'm going to make this one really quick: Whoever the hell came up with the idea of putting candy in the checkout aisles at places like Home Depot is a genius. Christ, I can't go pick up a couple of bags of mulch and sand without ending up with a Kit Kat too?! I tried to escape without it, but you should have heard the fucking temper tantrum. Yet another joy of parenthood.

And it's Monday again. Cheers.




Thursday, June 11, 2009

Game 2: Worse Than the First

The exploits of my C-league recreational basketball team, continued ...

Game 2: June 10 vs. The Fighting Artichokes

Team Johnny's came out of the gate hot again, this time with a 9-0 start to open the game. Just as in Game 1, this blogger helped the cause with an early bucket in transition and a three. By controlling the glass on the defensive end and getting some second-chance baskets off of our own misses, we kept a fairly solid working margin throughout the half. The star, despite a calf strain that temporarily put him on the sideline, was my blogging friend Mr. Peterson. Well on his way to a double-double after the first 20 minutes. Halftime score: 22-14.

Unlike the season opener, we maintained momentum into the second half. We were quicker to the ball, knocked down a few shots and continued to hold a considerable rebounding advantage. My shifty little ass had gotten to the rim a few times for layups and also earned a couple of trips to the line for my efforts. After hitting two free throws with just under 5:00 to play, Johnny's held a seemingly comfortable 38-24 lead.

That's when things drastically changed. Our clearly inferior opponents started hitting shots and started pressing -- a lethal combination. (For those needing a University of Illinois reference, think 2007 NCAA first round vs. Virginia Tech -- double-digit lead quickly erased as non-ballhandlers such as Brian Randle, Warren Carter and Rich McBride committed repeated turnovers.) We seemed to turn it over almost every trip those last few minutes. And when we did break the press, it was like a mad dash to get the ball to the rim as quickly as possible rather than to keep the floor spread and take some time off the clock. I take some of the blame for committing one of the turnovers, but moreso for not getting to the ball enough. Maybe it's my ego, but I think we'd have been better off if I'd have brought it up the floor every time.

Still, we hit most of our free throws when fouled and seemed to control our own destiny in the closing seconds. But a three with under ten seconds left cut the lead to one, 44-43. That's a situation when I want the ball, and I got it. Fouled with 3.6 left, I was able to almost put the game on ice. Knocked down both to make it a three-point game, 46-43. The smart money says to foul before the shot in that situation, and that's what was briefly discussed. But somehow a Fighting Artichoke was allowed to slip behind his man, catch a high-arcing 65-foot pass, turn and shoot a relatively uncontested three at the buzzer. Nothing but net. You've got to be fucking kidding me.

After inexplicably being outscored 22-8 over the final 4+ minutes of regulation, I don't even want to talk about the extra session.

Final score: 56-51 in OT
SJI contribution (my postgame recollection of it): 13 points -- 4 FG (one 3) and 4-5 from the line. Not enough for a W.
Record: 0-2

Next game: June 17 vs. American Century

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Orlando Magic: The Pick of the GOP

When I turn to ESPN or any other seemingly reliable sports outlet, I'm looking for scores, injury updates, fantasy news, etc. I'm sure as hell not expecting or wanting to see any bullshit about this guy.



But that's just what I got yesterday when ESPNews felt it appropriate to crawl the "news" that President Obama predicted an L.A. Lakers' NBA Finals win in six games. So what if the douche correctly picked North Carolina in his NCAA bracket back in March. (By the way, accidentally stumbling across the sight of Obama and Andy Katz together pondering the 65-team field was one of the more troubling things I've seen this year. More than 15 seconds of that would have likely caused me to jump off my fucking roof.)

Anyway, I'm taking the Magic in six, and I'm hoping my Republican friends will join me. I'm with Superman.

Game 1: For Starters, We're Losers

Perhaps I should have known it was a bad sign that the first game of our new basketball season fell on a day when I also had to visit my dentist and my mechanic. But regardless of my disappointment, I've decided to entertain myself by chronicling the eight-game season through this creative outlet.

Game 1: Wednesday, June 3 vs. Cobra Kai

The Spring/Summer iteration of our recreational basketball team hit the hardwoods in lovely Overland Park, KS, last night with tempered expectations after a 3-7 winter performance in the Merriam, KS, 4-on-4 league. But after a hot start, up 13-3 after the first five minutes, we felt good. Yours truly -- one who's always willing to do a little chest thumping -- hit a couple of early threes to help lead the charge, and I felt strong throughout the night. But what plagued us in our last league also reared its head in our new league. Defensive breakdowns on the perimeter led to too many open shots, left the interior scrambling, thus opening up the opportunity for easy offensive boards and put-backs. Our early ten-point lead shrunk to four at the half, 32-28.

More of the same in the second half as the lead changed hands after a few minutes. Over the first ten minutes of the half, we mustered just four points. That was enough to seal the fate of Johnny's (that's our team name, sponsored by a local tavern chain for whom one of my teammates was a General Manager ... until this week. Shit, there's another bad omen I should have spotted heading into Game 1: Wearing shirts promoting an entity with whom we no longer had an affiliation.).

Final score: 54-44
SJI contribution (A friend told me during our winter basketball session that it was surprising that I didn't keep track of how many points I score in each game. Translation: I'm perceived as a selfish bastard. So in my weekly postgame recaps, I'm going to try to remember how much I contributed to the cause.): 14 points -- four 3s and one bucket from the paint. Not enough to start us with a W.
Record: 0-1

Next game: June 10 vs. The Fighting Artichokes