Football Is Over. Isn't It Super?

It wasn’t long after the Super Bowl’s opening kickoff when my son Joey asked me why I have to watch football games “all day, everyday.” That’s clearly an exaggeration on his part, even on the one day when it’s possible to get completely consumed by coverage of a single game from the time you wake up. I’m not into that though. Not even three years ago when I woke up from a poor night’s sleep in anticipation of the Bears playing in Super Bowl XLI.

As freakish as I am about sports, I’m really not an all-day NFL fan. My habits are strictly dictated by my allegiances, so my fandom is entirely dependent on when the Bears play.

I rarely watch any of the weekly pre-game shows when there are 13 to 16 games to preview; my team is involved in exactly one of those each week. So if all teams/games are treated equally – which they aren’t – then over the course of a two-hour edition of NFL Countdown the Bears’ game would get an average of somewhere between five and seven minutes of coverage each week. (That’s assuming commercial interruptions account for 16 minutes per hour of programming.)

Why would I watch 80+ minutes of coverage devoted to other games with which I have no emotional involvement? Breaking fantasy football news? Like I couldn’t get that with a couple of simple clicks on my PC instead.

Which brings me back to Super Bowl Sunday. CBS had a four-hour pregame show, and that didn’t even include the “Kickoff Show” which was actually the last 30 minutes leading up to the kickoff. I understand that the NFL is believed to be the model professional sports league in our country right now (although you might need to stay closely tuned to ongoing labor negotiations for a reminder that the NFL is human), but not only are there no casual fans watching all that fluff, I have a lot of trouble believing there are many true die-hard football fans who stay glued to their TVs for hours leading up the opening kickoff.

There are only so many human interest stories that can truly be interesting. As humbling as it was to basically be a housewife at the time, concentrating most of my efforts early Sunday afternoon on laundry and cleaning duties, it was plenty more productive than sitting on my couch watching the many stories that stroked the egos of the Manning family and trumpeted the Saints as a shining light around which an entire damaged city could rally.

No thanks.

When gametime did finally arrive, I had the same lack of rooting interest as I did two Sundays ago when we all learned who’d be facing off for the Lombardi Trophy. At that point I was just happy that Brett Favre’s season – and hopefully his career – was over. I had a slight lean for the Colts, but it was less due to a liking for them and more to do with a bit of distaste for the Saints. Still, not enough of a difference to care too much.

As is often the case when I watch two teams about whom I don’t really care, I concern myself more with some of the individual players who are involved. And on Super Bowl Sunday my attention was mainly fixed on two former members of the Illinois Fighting Illini. If I can’t focus my energy on my alma mater, then what good am I?

So my primary concern was not necessarily who was the winning team, but my hope was that Pierre Thomas wouldn’t cough up the ball at a key moment and that Kelvin Hayden wouldn’t get burned deep by Drew Brees for a score. Neither of those things happened. In fact, Thomas made a very positive impact, accounting for about 100 total yards and a touchdown. Go Illini!

But now that the Super Bowl is over, we can move on from football. And for the first time, we don’t have to worry about the formality that is the Pro Bowl, the worst all-star game of all the professional sports.

The Pro Bowl being played the week before the Super Bowl is actually an absurd idea for many reasons, not the most trivial of which is that it obviously precludes the participation of any player from either conference champion. The good news about that, though, is that no one fucking cares. The Pro Bowl is a joke, and so it’s probably good to get it out of the way as soon as possible.

It should be noted, however, that the irrelevance of the game isn’t the fault of the league; it’s the nature of the sport. You can’t put these freakish athletes out on the gridiron together for an exhibition and for a moment think that it’s going to be entertaining theater. It’s just not possible. For a sport that’s built around hitting your opponents and avoiding being hit by them, you might as well just make your all-star game a skills competition. See which QB scores the highest in accuracy drills, see which kicker can drill one through the uprights from the farthest distance, and see which linebacker with a dangerous blend of speed and strength can literally knock the head off of a tackling dummy.

Let’s instead just make it a creative version of the draft combine and those lame College Football All-Star Challenges that are always on this time of year.

Actually, we probably shouldn’t do that either. Let’s just continue pretending the Pro Bowl doesn’t exist.

Back to the point, the football season is over. It’s time to think about where your team stands for the coming season and what can be done to address its weaknesses. The Bears’ 2009 season, for all intents and purposes, ended three months ago, so I’ve had plenty of time to ponder their future. Now I can do it without the distraction of other teams and their annoying success.

Fucking losers.

Hoping for a Much Better Week

Who knows what to expect?

After a relatively shitty week of work last week, and after getting humiliated yet again in our own recreational basketball league, the week wrapped up with some awful news on the sports front.

First, one of my favorite football players was signed by one of my least favorite teams. The upside, if any: Mike Brown will be playing in my current hometown. But now I'm stuck with an out-of-date Bears jersey. My navy #30 was a staple on most Sundays. Of course, with Alex Brown still on the Bears -- and since my jersey doesn't have the first initial -- Maybe I could just find a way to change mine to a 96. Not likely though. Time to seek an alternative. (And, no, it's not going to be Cutler.)

I'll hope for the best for Brown, although it will be tough to want him to win while he's playing with the Chiefs. Of course, as I found out a couple days later, it could be a lot worse ...

I've often described the St. Louis Cardinals as my least favorite team in any sport at any level. I don't think I could make it any more clear than that. So this weekend when the Cardinals acquired one of my favorite players - a recent Cubs' castaway - I can safely say that I was nothing short of fucking furious. Mark DeRosa is a Mr. Everything. In his two years with the Cubs, DeRosa played almost every position, and he was not a defensive liability at any of them. Oh, and he hit. That's something the Cubs could use right about now at just about any position.

Playing for the last-place Indians, DeRosa has driven in more runs this year than any Cub. Now I'll have to watch DeRosa in the middle of the most hated lineup in my world.

What's next? Brian Urlacher to the Packers? Deron Williams to the Lakers? Perhaps nothing is off limits now.