St. Louis, I Have a Middle Finger for You

With all due respect to a highly-regarded friend who happens to unfortunately be from the St. Louis area, I really can't fucking stand that city.

In its defense, I honestly have never given St. Louis much of a chance. My first visit came as a pre-teen in the late 1980s. I was reasonably thrilled to pack into a little turd capsule that sent my family to the top of the Arch. I also attended my first hockey game, watching the Blues defeat the Maple Leafs. As innocuous as hockey has always been, watching that particular St. Louis team earn a victory didn't create much of a bother.

It was during that same trip that I first went to Busch Stadium. With its seemingly florescent artificial turf and cookie-cutter stadium design, this was not a good place to watch a baseball game. And that doesn't even take into account the overall disdain I have for the Cardinals themselves.

So I guess you could say my hatred for St. Louis is single-minded; it's strictly due to baseball. But, trust me, that's a good enough reason.

Rarely can it be more painful than right now, as the sports world turns its collective eye toward St. Louis for baseball's All-Star festivities. Joe Buck set the tone Saturday during his call of the Cubs-Cardinals game on Fox, declaring that "St. Louis really does baseball right" and that the All-Star Game was "sure to be a spectacle" in St. Louis.

Christ, it's about all I can take.

I'm really curious as to where this perception was born -- the idea that St. Louis is this unparalleled baseball town that has such great respect for the game and is home to the most educated fans in the country. Who the fuck determines that? These great fans are the same ones that flocked out of the ballpark in droves in 1998 simply because it appeared certain that Mark McGwire would not be coming to the plate again that day. Now that's the path of an educated and respectful fan.

Looking for the full disclosure of bias? Here it is: I'm a diehard Cubs fan. But I have no problem acknowledging that there were plenty of Cubs fans in '98 who also took early exits if they thought Sammy Sosa had already taken his last cuts of the day. I'll also say that Wrigley Field is not the best place to watch a game, and I'd hesitate to say that it's definitely the home to the best fans. What I can tell you is that there are a lot of annoying fucks in the bleachers who are more concerned about drinking beer and chasing tail than what is happening on the field. But there's something to be said for 30,000+ fans singing in unison after a Cubs victory.

I don't see anything like that in St. Louis. And I don't care what Joe Buck, Tim McCarver, Bob Costas or anyone else has to say about it. In my eyes, that sea of red in the stands at Busch Stadium is much like the burning flames of hell.

So enjoy the All-Star festivities, St. Louis. Here's to a shitty second half of the season for you.