As Usual, Jerry Seinfeld Was Right

The DMV is a leper colony.

That's what Jerry Seinfeld said when stating his case that a vast majority of the public is unattractive. A one-in-20 shot, he said. And after spending an hour at the DMV this morning, I'm reminded that Jerry is much closer to the truth than most people probably think.

Honestly, one-in-20 may be generous for the crowd I was a part of today. No offense to the kind gentleman who helped me with my vehicle registration renewal, but generally the demeanor of the employees doesn't help either. It's just not a wonderful place to be. One very pleasant surprise, however, were the new additions since my last visit: Flat screen TVs. I was able to position myself in front of a muted Sportscenter, which at least seemed to make my one-hour wait time go by a little faster.

Still, there are only so many times I wish to see entirely worthless bits of sports news crawl across the bottom of the screen. Does anyone really fucking care that Candace Parker practiced for the first time since her pregnancy/maternity leave? Maybe the WNBA should prepare for its viewership to double from 10 to 20.

But I'll admit that my pain here is somewhat self-inflicted. One of these years I'll plan enough in advance to get my tag renewals done through the mail, and I won't have to show up in person. And because I wait so long (or forget), I always end up there on the busiest days -- either the last day or the first day of the month.

Some other observations I was left to ponder during my wait:

• I showed up at exactly 7:30 this morning, which was when the office opened. I actually had to wait in line just to get a number, and I was 36th among those who were there for renewals. It took 58 minutes to get to #36.
  
• Why are there 28 different windows when there never appear to be more than a dozen employees working the same shift? Does every DMV worker really need his or her own cube to decorate? (The answer to that is no, unless the man who helped me really was named Joyce and the African-American children pictured all over the walls were actually his).
  
• Isn't there a local cop who's enough of a dick to drive through the DMV parking lot on the morning of the 1st of the month, knowing he'll find a shitload of cars with expired tags that he can ticket? I'm amazed this has never happened. There must be some sort of regulation in place to prevent that. No other explanation.
  
• Quote of the day from a man sitting nearby, after another man questioned how long it could really take to get through the line: "They're in no hurry. I'm sure half the people here don't work anyway."
  
• My penalty for registering my two vehicles one day late: $0.09.

Just 364 days before I have to worry about this shit again.