Consistent with my anti-hype platform, I am not on Facebook. In fact, I often used to say that I was the only person under the age of 35 who wasn't a part of the social networking phenomenon, although that's clearly not the case now that I've confirmed that my old college roommate and my brother are each in the same boat. So I guess I'm one of three.
I've actually received a bit of ridicule at times for not being found on Facebook, as if no one is anyone unless this is a part of his or her life. In the 21st Century, people apparently can't function unless they know the statuses of their friends, including what they're thinking at any random moment and what they might be preparing to do. It's fucking riveting. And my life, I guess, is incomplete without it.
But, son of a bitch, I lost to Facebook this weekend.
No, I didn't cave and create an account for myself. I forgot my friend's birthday. Not just any friend either; I'm talking about a guy who's arguably been my best friend for the past 15 years. A guy who always calls me on my birthday and wants to take me out for a drink.
Boy, did I feel like a piece of shit.
And guess what jogged my memory? That's right, I happened to be talking to my wife while she was cruising through her Facebook page and noticed the birthday acknowledgements to my friend Dan. Fuck, I suck. So not only did I forget, but there were a whole shitload of people who I'm sure remembered ONLY because they were on Facebook. That's some fucking bullshit.
Naturally, I told my wife to help me dig out from my hole and send him a message on my behalf. Just post something that says "My husband feels like shit for forgetting your birthday."
But life isn't that easy.
"No, it's your own fault," she said (paraphrasing a bit here). "That's what you get for not being on Facebook."
That's what I get?! That's what this world has come to?!
I must face the music for defying popular culture! How dare I turn my back on the social mainstream!
I may have lost this battle, but I'll keep fighting the war.
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